Thursday, December 31, 2015

TO THE BOY I LOVED AND I NEED TO FULLY FORGET


To the boy who taught me that this kind of love should never be thrown away. I may have not gotten the kind of ending I hoped for the both of us, yet somehow, I am still thankful. Times have changed, feelings have changed and we too, have finally grown up. 


If my memory serves me right, we both bumped into each other when we were around 5th or 6th grade. You were a newly transfer student in our school and I've always found you quite mysterious: you were selective with the people you chose to be around with, you were never really chatty, you were always around with the boys and I don't quite remember you being too friendly with the opposite sex. Let's just say that my opinion of you was that you were simply an introvert and a reserved-type of person. We ended up only exchanging small talks back then.

Don't get me wrong though; I loved that about you.


I loved how you could never get mad at me, even if I do it on purpose. I always managed to make you smile even when your crossing both of your arms. I loved your persistence when it comes to making me read books or stories that interests you and since I'm a sucker for romance genres, we never really had a problem when it comes to reading. I loved how you were very fond of my marshmallow perfume and thus, the nickname was created for me. Remember how I always tell you to stop doing that because I was aware that you're already wearing your own perfume but you always say, "It's fine because I like it; I like your scent." 


I loved how you would never let a day pass by if we have misunderstandings and you would always find time or wait for me when classes finally ended so you can come up to me and poke me playfully or try to make me smile or laugh. Did I mention that I really liked that about you?


I loved how we understood each other. You were the boy who knew what I was up to, knew what I was cooking up inside my head, knew if I were making fun of someone secretly or if I really did think someone was stupid and funny. You knew and understood my sarcasms and did you know that it requires a higher IQ to comprehend these? Do you know that most guys' weakness is grammar and constructing sentences? Yet there you were... You were indeed one-of-a-kind for me.


I loved the fact that even when you weren't the athletic type, it never struck me that you were a weakling. I respected that you weren't just into sports compared to me and that wasn't a problem at all. It's funny how I prefer athletic guys and yet I fell in love with you.


I loved how you taught me to love the band called Boyce Avenue.

I finally grew to love the cover that they made six years ago, Teenage Dream.

I loved how you'd always text me back when I text you, even how late it was.

I loved how you consulted me when you were about to enter college like what school should you choose or what course definitely suits you.

I loved how you cared about me.

I loved how you would stand up for me.

I loved how you loved me.

I loved how you tried your best to be my friend even when I was hurting you.

 I may have never told you but conversations such as these made my heart skipped a beat but at that time, I simply shrugged it off thinking that it was just a normal reflex.



I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being too late to fix all of these.

I'm sorry that I was too late to figure out my feelings towards you. 

I am truly sorry.



When I realized what I had done, I waited.

I waited for four years.
Four years for you.
Four years that you'd finish college soon and hoping that you'd still give me a chance to make up for everything I've done.
Four years, but I was too late.
You had moved on with your life and I was dumbfounded.


I admit, it was so painful.


I couldn't bear the pain.
I couldn't understand how it ended up like this.
I couldn't grasp reality.
I couldn't accept the fact that you had given up.


"Feelings change; people change."







And so my open letter officially begins.




To the boy I was in love with,

To the boy who has now grown to be a man,
To the boy who turned my world upside-down,
To the boy I probably wouldn't forget,
To the man I loved,







Thank you for allowing me to grow in my own way.
Thank you for allowing me to experience all these kinds of emotions.
Thank you for allowing me to fall in love with you.






Thank you.






I love you, I did.

But I also need to fully forget you.






I would jump at the chance to be with you if fate allows me to.

I don't think I have loved anyone as much as I have loved you.






I have a duty to my heart--- and that I should never lie to myself. However, I also have to take responsibility for myself and move on with my life. Pain and sufferings shouldn't halt me from being happy; I wouldn't have wanted anything but to be with you but there are just some things we can never alter.






The past has been made and history will be written.

It's up to us and our decisions that will lead us to our futures.





To the boy I loved and I need to fully forget:


May we both find happiness and successful careers in our life.
May we also find love with the right person for ourselves.


Hey.
I love you, and I always will.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

An urge to go to the beach.


Hi guys! It's been a while since I last posted here on my blog. Waaaa, missed writing some hilarious stuff but i'll try to catch up nevertheless (:

So today is 14th and tomorrow is... Yep, my 20th birthday. Am i that old already? Gosh, how time flies that i felt that i was still 16 yesterday and wondering how fast i can be an adult. Woah. #mixedemotions

So i'm really gonna be 20 tomorrow? SERIOUSLY?! I cannot HAHAHAHA. Anyways, aging is inevitable so I just have to suck it up. Hayyys.

I'll try to post frequently again! (: ciao.

P.S. I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE OCEAN RN UNTIL I'M WORN OUT. HAHAHAHA NO PAIN NO GAIN. 


- R.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

The Power of God Starts Now

Sunday Service, 1st of Feb, 2015.

The God Almighty is powerful,
He can do so much in miraculous ways.
He is the King of Kings, Lord of Lords.
He can suffice us with His love,
Mercy,
Compassion,
And all because of Grace that we are saved from eternal damnation.

What are you waiting for?
Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life!

What do we do to be in line with God?
1. Relationship with Christ
2. Whole-heartedly trusting God
3. Repent for our wrong-doings (sins)

We are children of God; therefore, we strive continuously to be like Christ.

How so?
1. Act, think and do as a child of God.
Nehemiah 1:8-9
2. Calling Him as we seek Him every minute of the day.
3. To trust in the Lord that He is capable to answer our prayers (needs)

Always remember that the Lord Our God knows what's best for us and ONLY THE BEST for our benefit. He will give everything we NEED, according to His will and to the sincerity of our hearts. Our needs and wants are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS, mind you. Because God wants what's best for us, He will provide us our primary priorities in life in ways that we can and cannot see.

The moment we open our eyes and stretch out from our bed, He already knows; He knows all the desires of our hearts but not all of these wants we have can be beneficial to our part. Some of our intentions might be good at first but we may develop sin out of it in the end.

In life, making mistakes is inevitable. Temptations are also inevitable.

But we can strive to prevent from falling into temptation.
We can ask God for discernment and wisdom in times of decision-makings to lead us to the right answers and towards the right path He wishes for us to take.

At the end of the day, it is between you and Him.

He will always give you the CHOICE.
He will always give you your FREE WILL.

Like I said, at the end of the day...

It's also up to YOU to make that decision.
Receive now and put Christ in your life.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Power of Vision (January 25th, 2015)

SUNDAY SERVICE: (I'm writing this down based on how I understand the message delivered by our Pastor) 


The gift of sight is powerful.
You see things around you.
You see people surrounding you.
We can see pain, sorrow and tears...
And yet, what do we do about it?
We see others helpless,
We see them striving to be strong,
Some even are giving up...
Since the power of sight is POWERFUL, we need to use it more.

Who are the leaders, we ask? It is us--- and it is OUR JOB to reach out to people and open their hearts towards God.

In the bible, Nehemiah saw the need of his people:
1. He hears the frequent news wherein the kingdom of Jerusalem is in the state of destruction.
2. Insulting the people and everyone in Jerusalem
3. Their homes have been destroyed and a lot of repairing is needed to re-inforce the infrastructures required.

Nehemiah 1:4b, 5-6

Ask yourselves wherever you're now living or what stage you are in your life...

Do you know what happens to you when you die? Are you going to Heaven?
How about the people close to you: your family, friends and relatives... Are you confident that you're all Heaven-bound?

Look around you, if you know Jesus, no one can judge you. If you do NOT know Jesus, still... NO ONE CAN JUDGE YOU.

But, you can do something about it; SURRENDER your life to Jesus. He is the ONLY WAY through the Father, and NO ONE gets through the Father EXCEPT THROUGH JESUS.

God will never forsake us because He loves us so much, even when we are stained with sins. The God Almighty has NEVER judged us, why do we even consider that we have every right to do so?

Repent. Pray. Seek God in your life.

Going back to Nehemiah's journey, because of what he heard about the unfortunate situation in Jerusalem, his heart was convicted and he felt sorry for the people suffering and he showed compassion for the need of his people. This has left a deep mark on his heart as he started to do something about it. It breaks his heart to see the people in that kind of state. So, what did he do about it?

Prayer and fasting.


God knows what is in your heart. No one can judge you IN ANY WAY. If you feel that God is knocking at your heart, please, let HIM in; allow Him to be your strength. He can do ALL things in your life! What are you afraid of, huh? His love is unconditional--- it's AGAPE. 

Saturday, January 17, 2015

EleanorXPark: I'm currently drinking it in

 

Was there a time wherein you felt like helpless for the female protagonist and all you can do is whine nonstop to the point you're crying hysterically? Well...

I'm definitely now glued to this book written by Rainbow Rowell where two different people from two different race shares a strong yet gentle romance. To think Eleanor is referred to as the BIG RED in the story; seriously--- I can't really imagine her being so fat and ugly. (as they name-call her)

To be honest, I can somehow feel that I have a connection with Eleanor, the female protagonist; she's honest to the point she can be a smart-mouth, (which I often times I find myself like that) she doesn't care what she wears at all, (though she wants people to like her especially Park-love) she has a hard time communicating with herself and towards others (in a way).

I really don't know what to say about 'ASIAN BOY' but all I can say that could sum him up is only three words: I. Want. Him. Lol. He's really my Park. Idk, somehow, I appreciate his kind heart even though he tries to evade that side of his. Ayeeeee 

Anyways, I'll be making a review of this after I'm done reading since I'm only heading towards the middle of the story and I'm sure there are other scenarios and situations to occur and I want to hold onto ParkElle till the end!


Yes, I want a tandem, and they're the perfect two! Ahihihi. See ya!


- R.